Nimicuri

Curând va fi iar primăvară cu cântece şi dor, Hoinari se vor sui în trenuri ce duc spre tot şi nicăieri, prin gări săruturi se vor pierde, dar nu vor pieri, pe drumurile neumblate s-or împlini iar călătorii, sub acelaşi cer primăveratec imens şi infinit noi povesti vor prinde viaţa, iubitule, necontenit. Îti scriu o ultimă scrisoare pentru un nou început, deşi, se adună anii la şiragu-mi de mărgele şi viaţa pare a intra într-un ritm ciudat, alert. Înca mai cred c-ai să te-ntorci cu ochii-ţi căprui-verzi, să mă aştepti cu o nevroza de tip bacovian, cuprins fiind de nerabdare să mă cuprinzi de subsiori... Îmi lipseşti atât de mult, deseori...

There is no one like you. I've been wanted by a lot of people but I never wanted any of them. There is no one like you because I want...You. There is no one like you. Circles were always drawn around me but none of them was big enough for me to feel free. There is no one like you because you draw me infinity. There is no one like you. I've been called "baby" by a lot of people but they've all lost me when the door closed behind me. There is no one like you because you have me.

What am I love? Do I answer any of your questions, do I make you feel? I should have kissed you when I had the chance now I'll never make it on my on and it reminds me that I've been livig this life wrong. I'm not blaming you for my incapability to expand my concept of love but I, I just can't seem to get real about it, about the love you've been giving me and in my version of events you're always leaving me. We used to be so up high and it's been hard to take in the fact that your hands are not around me anymore to draw love on every part of my trembling body... Did I scare you so much you fear me? Or you find me insane? Come home and I won't mind if you find me either way! The truth is that you hit my heart as hard as you hit the door leaving, until the walls cracked and now I'm bleeding. I'm a lot to put up to and often hanging on a thread but if you take me as I am I'll take you for all you are and step by step we'l...

Cu toate că păşim atât de des fără să privim în urmă şi ne stă în fire să uităm dacă nu ne-aducem aminte, că ne retragem în interiorul claustral al sufletelor reci ale noastre sau ale altor oameni la fel de singuri ca noi, deşi in orişicare seară adorm în braţele unui străin şi amandoi dăm sărutul de "buna dimineaţa" unui om pe care nu-l cunoaştem, dar de care avem atâta nevoie pentru a ne menţine sanitatea şi deşi inventăm atâtea minciuni pentru a menţine echilibrul în micile universuri create ce ne dau iluzia de siguranţă, nu am să mint: în mine se mai vorbeşte şi azi despre noi. Deşi nu voi şti nicicând cum e sa fiu iubită de tine iar, cu toate ca nu voi avea dimineţi în care să-mi fie dor de tine, nici nopţi în care să mă cufund în aroma ta, nici sărutari pe frunte. Chiar daca nu vei fi tu cel ce mă va ţine în braţe când îmi va fi frică şi deşi vei fi tu cel la care mă voi gândi când voi spune "iubitule" altcuiva, acelei persoane mediatoare care ...

Vladimir is my imaginary friend and he's schizophrenic. I guess he simply embodies the dark side of me and our demons play well together I can't complain. He's smart and he's a collector of all the things I think I need. I don't. But he knows me better because he's my shadow. Things are never complicated with Vladimir, he knows my mind. He is the product of it but never complains. We've been fighting lately and he tried to escape, never happened before. He likes captivity but he said he's in love. I asked of who, he pointed at me. I said no, it cannot be. So he stared at me with a burning fire in his eyes yet his heart was cold as ice. He asked me: Love, how do you want to die? I glanced away as time passed by and simply wiped him of my mind. I do miss him sometimes, but we're all monsters in the end. Ain't that right?

So it’s May again, time never seems to forgive and hiding gets us tired once we come to an age. Life pulled us back each time we crossed the boundaries and gave us a deadline every time we've drawn in lust. We used to say “you have to be over 18 to live like you’ll die.” What a lie! Remember how hard we tried to keep it real? Working day and night to build some dreams, we thought ”You have to be rich to be mad ” That is just sad! Did we won anything when we lost it all? Our fragile world crushed before our eyes and divided without being aware in me and you. It’s May again and time doesn’t seem to forgive it, if it’s not much trouble to ask, come visit! 

I followed you barefooted without questioning it down by the narrow road paved with promises, I was the insignificant other but matter somehow when each day you went running and begged for me each night, I listened and cured every sorrow you had By drawing them carefully in the palm of my hand, I walked in the bad company of my demons a long road, leaving no broken hearts, not even a  lit cigarette, not being slowed. I hated you sometimes for walking too fast and leaving me behind But never wiped you off my skin, out of my mind.